3/2/2023 0 Comments Conduct together music list![]() ![]() The more each family member can express concerns and feel that others have heard them, the more committed the family will be to the code. The first things that inevitably come up are statements like “Don’t interrupt,” “Get everyone to talk, not just the people who always dominate,” or “Talk about your own feelings without blaming others.” Each of these, and the reasons behind them, can be discussed and defined by the family as a principle of communication.Īt the end of this process, write the principles on a large piece of paper and place it on the wall so everyone can see them during the meeting. It is not hard to list behaviors that inhibit communication. ![]() This gives all participants a chance to share their anxieties at the outset. Like addicts who must support each other to make difficult changes, family members must confront these bad habits and commit to abandoning them.Īs your first step in developing a family code of conduct, consider asking each family member to list a statement that he or she feels the family must agree on in order to create a safe harbor for communication. These bad habits arose over time, in response to personal relationships and emotional realities they are counterproductive for family meetings. It governs how participants talk to each other, not what they will talk about.įamily members may have bad habits-dominating discussions, interrupting, blaming-that inhibit communication. The code is a list of rules (or expectations) for communication to which everyone agrees to adhere when they meet or interact as a family. One way to create a safe harbor is to develop a code of conduct. The first priority is to make the meeting safe so people can talk to each other in a respectful way, and be listened to by others. The problem is that the family members do not know how to create an environment for effective communication-how they can act to overcome the emotional traps and bad habits that have evolved over time. This feeling of awkwardness often leads to avoidance: They will find it difficult to schedule the meeting, postpone it after it has been scheduled or allot a very limited amount of time. They may be anxious about the prospect that a business issue will trigger deep family emotions. Although related by blood, they feel anxious about whether they can find common ground and work together.įamily members may fear that one person will dominate the discussion and others will not be heard. They have different lifestyles, viewpoints, values and ways of working. They may all be heirs of a business started generations ago. Nothing is as difficult as the first moments when a multigenerational family comes together. Poorly planned and executed family meetings can further traumatize a family. Seems reasonable and simple, right? Yet, I hear many stories of family meetings that weren’t just unhelpful they sparked emotional reactions that made further contact even less likely, while the problems continued simmering. The professional often tries to help by convening a family meeting to discuss an issue and suggest ways to address it. ![]() Many of these families seek professional help to deal with their current or anticipated differences. To manage these issues, a family that remains together as partners over three or more generations should put communication, conflict resolution and alignment of interests at the top of their list of critical challenges. Actions that are “just business” can hurt personally, and the personal hurt can lead to anger and conflict in other areas. There can be other considerations, such as what an uncle did to your father, or how your siblings are being treated in the business. Because of the deep emotional family history, they often cannot act like partners coming together to exercise rational self-interest. Enterprising families must work continually to head off and manage conflict within an ever-enlarging pool of family members.Ĭousins in the third generation and beyond may be relative strangers, but they share ownership of significant business, investment, real estate and philanthropic assets. But when a family shares ownership and oversight of-and dependence on-shared investments, they must stem this tide. Families have a natural tendency to fragment over generations. ![]()
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